I am currently radiating--in a Spiderman/Madame Curie type way. For the next few days, as I hide out in my room and let the radiation wear off, I will be blogging. It may not be interesting (just letting you know up front). There also may be a lot of whining as I discover, first-hand, the world of nuking, complete isolation, and whatever else there is to discover from this thyroid cancer experience. Hold on to your hats, I have no where else to go, so I will write.
So here I am. In my room. The door is shut and locked and I am sucking on a hard cinnamon candy. Why? Because the radiation gets stuck in your salivary glands and I am trying very hard to prevent the swelling and general tenderness and soreness that they say will come from swallowing a nuclear iodine pill. It is heavenly sucking on this tiny bit of cinnamon goodness. I haven't had a candy in almost 3 weeks, I have lost 4lbs and missed Halloween completely. Oh Snickers, don't be sad. I still love you. In the past few months I have had two biopsies (one in my neck people). Two surgeries. About a bazillion blood draws, some in my wrists because my poor arm veins had been beaten and battered to death. Twelve thousand doctors appointments (ENT, Oncologist, Endocrinologist, Urologist, add more "ologists" to this list). A restrictive diet that was so terrible I actually resorted to smelling food and it was as satisfying as I could get to eating the real deal. And two shots in the bum that induced extreme fatigue, chills, fits of crying and nausea. When I finally walked into the hospital today the woman who checks in hundreds of people each day (her name is Gerry) looked up and knew me. I sat in the waiting room and the nuke med guy came out to get some paperwork and, although I had seen him for less than 30 seconds 3 days ago and there were about 30 other people waiting too, he knew me, by name. I don't know how people with way scarier forms of cancer do it. Yesterday, I was ready to completely give up (mind you, the Thyrogen shot probably had a little to do with that). I was scared out of my mind to take this radiation pill. It's nuclear. Don't they blow up whole countries with this stuff? I am going to swallow it and let it lodge in my throat for a few days? Once blood results were in, I walked into a tiny room with some cabinets, a sink and small chair. It was actually the size of a closet. I was instructed, once I took the pill, no more chit chat with the nuke med guy (I should have probably learned his name), but go straight to the car. The pill (which I was expecting to be metallic and large and glowing) was placed in a cup. It looked like any old aspirin pill. I popped it in my mouth and downed a cup of water and just like that, I became radioactive. Nuke med guy checked my mouth to make sure I actually swallowed it (am I going to take it home, manipulate it and then use it as a threatening device for total world domination?). I gave him the "aye aye captain" salute and went to my car. My ears got really hot and even now there is a tinge of metallic taste in my throat and mouth with some mild soreness. But other than that, I feel normal. I tried to get some spider webbing to eject out of my hands and wrists, but nothing yet.
So here I am. In my room. The door is shut and locked and I am sucking on a hard cinnamon candy. Why? Because the radiation gets stuck in your salivary glands and I am trying very hard to prevent the swelling and general tenderness and soreness that they say will come from swallowing a nuclear iodine pill. It is heavenly sucking on this tiny bit of cinnamon goodness. I haven't had a candy in almost 3 weeks, I have lost 4lbs and missed Halloween completely. Oh Snickers, don't be sad. I still love you. In the past few months I have had two biopsies (one in my neck people). Two surgeries. About a bazillion blood draws, some in my wrists because my poor arm veins had been beaten and battered to death. Twelve thousand doctors appointments (ENT, Oncologist, Endocrinologist, Urologist, add more "ologists" to this list). A restrictive diet that was so terrible I actually resorted to smelling food and it was as satisfying as I could get to eating the real deal. And two shots in the bum that induced extreme fatigue, chills, fits of crying and nausea. When I finally walked into the hospital today the woman who checks in hundreds of people each day (her name is Gerry) looked up and knew me. I sat in the waiting room and the nuke med guy came out to get some paperwork and, although I had seen him for less than 30 seconds 3 days ago and there were about 30 other people waiting too, he knew me, by name. I don't know how people with way scarier forms of cancer do it. Yesterday, I was ready to completely give up (mind you, the Thyrogen shot probably had a little to do with that). I was scared out of my mind to take this radiation pill. It's nuclear. Don't they blow up whole countries with this stuff? I am going to swallow it and let it lodge in my throat for a few days? Once blood results were in, I walked into a tiny room with some cabinets, a sink and small chair. It was actually the size of a closet. I was instructed, once I took the pill, no more chit chat with the nuke med guy (I should have probably learned his name), but go straight to the car. The pill (which I was expecting to be metallic and large and glowing) was placed in a cup. It looked like any old aspirin pill. I popped it in my mouth and downed a cup of water and just like that, I became radioactive. Nuke med guy checked my mouth to make sure I actually swallowed it (am I going to take it home, manipulate it and then use it as a threatening device for total world domination?). I gave him the "aye aye captain" salute and went to my car. My ears got really hot and even now there is a tinge of metallic taste in my throat and mouth with some mild soreness. But other than that, I feel normal. I tried to get some spider webbing to eject out of my hands and wrists, but nothing yet.
9 comments:
Well, you're still funny. I'll tell Osama you've got some weapons in ID.
BTW, the word verification for this one is "snoses." I like that.
I really want to say something funny and witty, but I just can't come up with anything but feelings of admiration for your courage. You are such a strong woman and you will get through this. You have no choice really. And you know what? Smelling food really is almost as good as eating it...almost.
What are you talking about spider webs?! Your super power is going to be waaaaay cooler than that!
Amber, you will be very much in my prayers tonight.
I sure love you!
1 day down! how many to go? I love your sense of humor. You rock. Call me if you are bored. :-)
Amber, I'm not just saying this, but you are AMAZING! I love the part at the end, "but other than that, I feel pretty normal..." you are amazing. I think about you all the time and you and your family are in my prayers. Gooshy, gooshy.. love you!!!
Good luck with the spider-webbing. I'm sure Sam would be very impressed if you can manage it.
I hear you on the scared-out-of-your mind thing about voluntarily swallowing a nuclear pill.
(I felt the same way about my C-section. Voluntarily allowing someone to cut open my guts and pull out my baby?! Scared me. A lot.)
I hope your isolation isn't too . . . isolating. And that it is over with quickly.
It is so tough to stay positive when you are being tried like this but some how you do it! You are so great! :) You need to come up with a story about your radioactivity, super powers, and a cool name to boot. Maybe it'll help the time pass? I can bring u a comic for inspiration if needed!? LOL :)
I can't imagine what you are feeling right now, are you peeing green radioactive urine? (that was a joke, unless you really are, then I'm just sorry.) But all joking aside, it must be very hard. Know that we are thinking of you and we love you.
Amber, I am sure you have heard it a million times before and I am sure this won't be the last time I say this...but your courage in the face of fear and adversity is absolutely inspiring! I could write a book about it! Hang in there and know that we are thinking about you in Sunny Colorado!
Post a Comment